The worst bike ride ever

OK, in keeping with my recent theme, first something that has nothing to do with the title. I've been told that "Baby" and "Little Baby" aren't very accurate names for my kids. And while it's true, people don't just get to change names, right? Mmmm. Well, I guess until I figure it out maybe I'll try "Girl" and "Boy". Or you may be asking yourself why I don't use actual names. Point taken. I started out without names because I was writing about Hubby being gone all the time and I felt a little creeped out about that and identifying us. But I suppose it would be that hard for someone to figure it out if they wanted to. Back to the worst bike ride ever. Girl has gotten really good at riding her bike and wants to go all the time. And Boy loves riding in the baby seat, so it's a good way to get out, enjoy the day, and kill some time. So before we go I ask both Boy and Girl if they need a potty break. No one does. OK, fine. We head out. We ride and ride and ride. Until we turn around. Girl needs potty break. We are FAR from real potties but close to trees. I do what any reasonable mom would do and pick a suitable tree off the trail behind a bit of foliage. What I haven't done yet is properly teach her how to pee in the woods. So she basically pees all over herself, shorts, and shoes. Nice. Meanwhile Boy also decides he'd like a potty break, so his pants are around his ankles. He gets performance shy, and it's a good thing b/c his shorts were dry at this point so I ganked them from him and let Girl wear them. Good thing they were those elastic band shorts, and the 24 month shorts did a descent job of fitting. Of course Girl is all sorts of wigged out and uncomfortable (and through tears actually said she should have listened to me and next time she would since I pointed out to her I had suggested she take a potty break before we left. We'll see if she does). Dry shorts, but no panties and wet socks and shoes. Which, my bad, I probably shouldn't have let her wear her slip on red sparkle shoes. Next time I'll require proper footwear, which leads to the rest of the story. I managed to convince Girl she had to suck it up, and yes, I think I used those actual words. The only way to get comfortable was to bike it back to the house. So we head on. She needs a break. Fine. We stop. We go. She wants another break. Fine. We stop. On we go. Another break...and I tell her to wait until we go past the bridge. She turns on the gas and starts flying when her slippery pee shoe slips off the peddle and the peddle clocks her ankle nice and hard. Miraculously she doesn't fall but cruises to a stop screaming the whole time. We manage to get off the trail and I take a look while handling a pee sock and shoe. It looked fine but she was carrying on so I was kinda concerned. She could walk on it, tho, so I knew it couldn't be too awful. So the end is nearly in site. She gets back on the bike and we get to the point of the trial we have to roll our bikes across a green belt to get to our neighborhood. If it weren't for the kindness of a stranger we'd have never made it. Girl was all sorts of convinced she could only crawl and couldn't roll her bike. So the stranger got the bike to the right place while Girl had a piggy back ride from me. I think I was rolling my bike with Boy in the seat. Hear me roar. No wonder I'm soar. So we did make it home and Girl was even jumping before bed. Drrrr-aaammmmma.